I bet You know me so well. What was I like and how did I live my life. I have to admit the life before was awesome. Boys liked me, girls envied me, good grades and proud of them, the wonderful life of hanging out with the coolest people, finding puppy love, fell in love in writing (still do), and doing hard to be...someone else! Well, I have to confess too that the life before was terrifying. I still remember how afraid I was when the night came. I couldn't sleep. I got jealous a lot. I hated people easily. I envied other people's life. I was even disappointed of my own name. I found occultism was the answer of my broken heart. I cut myself for being in pain and lonely. When I thought everything failed, I preferred to die.
Yes God, I knew I was lost. I never met You then.
When I finally found You, I thought the wounds was too deep to be healed. The pain was too hurt to feel again. And the emptiness was too vast to be filled. The earthly self esteem I once had was vanished into hollow. I was nothing in front of You.
Yet, You gently reform my life. Brick by brick You build my life again from ruins. 'One stone at a time', still remember You calmed my spirit inside, 'and your life will be new again. And this time, let Me build the house on the rock. Trust, is all I need to complete this project.'
The brick called 'Me Myself and I' was replaced with 'Other People'. The other brick, 'Dog' (my all favorite thing on earth) was replaced with 'God', and the 'Broken Heart' brick was replaced with 'Joy'. The replacement process was never easy, let alone building it. Nevertheless, trying so hard to obey, I put my trust in You. There's no more me.
'There', You said, 'Your pain, your emptiness, your ego, your sins were crucified with me. While hanging there at the cross, please bear with me sweetheart. It was so hurt. The pain was almost unbearable. But, we have to do this together." The Son of God has to die so I can have a new life. So my life can be renewed. So, I can do Your work, fulfill my calling, and go to heaven when I die.
Oh dear Lord... My sweet Lord Jesus,
Now I know understand in order to build the house to my spirit You have to be crucified. I was too dirty. My life was so sinful that Father in heaven can't live in me. This old life had to go away so He can give me a new life to live. Because two lives was complicated. 'You can't serve two masters,' You said. Now, standing in my new house, I can look back my old life though the hole on your palm. Sometimes i stuck my finger on it trying to believe that heaven is as real as hell is.
You didn't only change my life, but gave me bonuses also. That's why I decide to serve You with my whole heart. Just because You're deserved that.
Now look, Lord...
You make me able to transform lives of others with my hands, quote Your powerful words to bless, heal, and impart of Your mighty grace. You make my eyes can see the beauty of Your righteousness in this messy world. It took time to understand Your calling. Yet, not even a second useless. From a useless life I once needed to ignore, I seek every second now to live the life at the fullest as...me, someone You created with a great purpose.
Thank You Lord Jesus.
I love You and 'till we meet in heaven.
